


if we fall apart maybe it wasn't meant to be

by taehbaeh



Series: the universe couldn't keep us apart [2]
Category: X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Established Relationship, I'm Sorry, Interquel, M/M, This Is Sad, read part 3 to feel better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:27:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24275824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taehbaeh/pseuds/taehbaeh
Summary: For a moment it felt like heaven. But they could only burn so long.
Relationships: Cho Seungyeon | Seungyoun/Kim Wooseok | Wooshin
Series: the universe couldn't keep us apart [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1558420
Kudos: 24





	if we fall apart maybe it wasn't meant to be

**Author's Note:**

> This is the second part, or the interquel if you will, of my series 'the universe couldn't keep us apart'. This could be read as a stand-alone but I suggest you do read the 1st part of the series first so you can get all the references.  
> For everyone that has read the other two parts already and wanted to see what exactly went down in between them, this is for you:)
> 
> This was a long time coming but I hope you enjoy it!

Seungyoun can feel his headache intensifying as he forces his eyes to focus on his nearly-nowhere to be finished essay.

“Hey.” The feeling of a familiar hand coming to rest on his shoulder should’ve done _something_ in reducing the stress that comes with trying to finish an essay that’s due the next morning.

“You’ve been working non-stop for the past few hours. How about you take a break?”

“Not now, Wooseok.”

Wooseok’s arms come to wrap around his boyfriend’s frame, head resting against Seungyoun’s shoulder.

“Come on, you’re going to overwork yourself. I can make you a-“

“I said not now, Wooseok, what’s so difficult to understand?”

Seungyoun feels Wooseok’s arms loosen around him and the warmth is gone a second later. Seungyoun clenches his eyes shut, knowing he snapped without much of a reason. He’s been doing that a lot lately.

“I know you’re stressed but you have no right to take it out on me when all I’ve been trying to do is help.”

Seungyoun sighs, knowing Wooseok is completely and utterly right. But he’s also an awfully stubborn human that doesn’t know better than adding fuel to the fire.

“No, what you’re doing is getting on my nerves when I clearly told you I don’t need that right now.” Seungyoun says, without turning to look at his boyfriend, refusing to give in to the little voice in his head that’s telling him he’s being completely unreasonable.

“I’m just worried about you-“

“Did I ask you to be?” Seungyoun spits out, finally turning to look at the other and the regret is instant.

Wooseok stares at him for a moment, seemingly contemplating.

And God knows what goes through his head when he purses his lips and turns around.

“Fine.”

Wooseok strides into Seungyoun’s bedroom, the one that they’ve been sharing for the majority of their relationship. He returns a few moments later, wearing his shoes and jacket. Seungyoun watches as the other marches towards the door, grabbing the keys to his own apartment.

“Where are you going?”

“Home.” Comes the answer and it stings more than it should. “I didn’t know I had to get permission to be worried about you. So, I’ll do you a favor and get off your back.” Wooseok doesn’t even spare the other a glance as he slams the door shut behind him.

Seungyoun stares at the door blankly, realizing this is the first time in months that Wooseok has gone to his own apartment and it dawns on him how badly he has fucked up.

* * *

The feeling of waking up next to an empty spot the following morning sucks more than Seungyoun would like to admit and having to make breakfast for one instead of two is even worse.

After Wooseok walked out close to midnight, Seungyoun didn’t have it in him to finish that stupid essay anymore which only made it seem like this whole fight was for nothing.

He keeps looking at his phone, itching to grab it, and just call. But he’s way too stubborn for his own good and he knows Wooseok is never going to call him either, because if there’s one person that’s more stubborn than him then it’s got to be his boyfriend.

Things have been weird between them lately, Seungyoun isn’t going to deny it. He’s been snapping at the other a lot for no apparent reason and in return, Wooseok has been shutting him out.

And Seungyoun hates it because he remembers how easy it was transitioning from friends to being more than friends. It felt so natural, it was never awkward. They took things slowly and enjoyed everything as it came. And sure, Seungyoun had crushed on Wooseok for quite long when they were nothing more than friends but _God_ , it could never compare to how hard he fell for him when they finally started dating. He basked into the realness of it all, into the reality of getting to fall in love with Wooseok more each day.

Then somewhere along the way, they started getting into stupid, pointless fights that lead to them both seeing horrible sides of themselves that they didn’t even know about.

But nothing could make Seungyoun love Wooseok any less.

And the guilt eats at him every time he treats him as if he doesn’t care.

So why is it so hard for Seungyoun to put his stupid pride aside for once and try to fix things instead of waiting for the other to make the first move?

Seungyoun eyes his phone intensely before grabbing the device into his hands. His palms are sweaty as he types in the text under Wooseok’s name.

_I’m sorry…_

His thumb hovers over the send button for a few hesitant seconds before he ultimately taps on it and the text goes through.

* * *

Three days later the text is still left on delivered and Seungyoun feels like he’s going crazy. This is the longest they’ve gone without talking after a fight and it only serves as a wake-up call that maybe Seungyoun should really start putting in more effort.

Which is what brings him to Wooseok’s apartment at 11 pm on a Friday.

He knocks once, twice and before his fist can knock a third time, the door swings open.

“What are you doing here?”

The warmth evaporating from Wooseok’s eyes that Seungyoun was used to is gone. Even his focus is somewhere on the wall behind him as if Seungyoun has become invisible to him, or he can’t bare to see him at all.

Seungyoun has seen him do this to others before, but never to him. He was never afraid of Wooseok’s anger when it came as fire, for that burnt hot and fast.

But Seungyoun is deathly terrified of his ice. It coats him like a protective layer and he uses it to shut everything else out.

He can handle the yelling and anger but that iced out glare indicates that Seungyoun has already lost.

“You didn’t reply to my text.”

Seungyoun’s palms are getting clammy inside the pockets of his coat and he feels just about ready to throw up.

“Didn’t think there was anything worth replying to.”

With one sentence the verdict is told. Wooseok has been reflecting longer than usual, past the point at which he always comes back with the acknowledgment of Seungyoun’s half-assed apologies.

“For God’s sake, Wooseok. I apologized, I came here to talk things out.” Seungyoun lets out accompanied by a frustrated sigh, his fist clenching.

And that’s where they differ. Seungyoun’s temper is like TNT, once the sparks start to sizzle there is very little time to duck and cover. While Wooseok carefully chooses words that will cause the biggest damage.

“And what is it that you’re exactly sorry for, Seungyoun?”

Wooseok crosses his arms and waits for an answer. But it doesn’t come.

He laughs. “What’s the point of an apology if you don’t even know what you’re sorry for?”

The thing is, Seungyoun knows what he’s apologizing for. He’s apologizing for pushing Wooseok away when the other has been trying to be there for him in more ways than he deserves.

At Seungyoun’s lack of response, Wooseok scoffs and pushes the door to close it.

“Wait.” Seungyoun stops the door just before it can close in on his face. “I’m sorry… about the things I said that night. You were just trying to help and I acted like a total asshole. You didn’t deserve that and I’m sorry.”

Wooseok just stands there, staring at Seungyoun as if there’s nothing that connects them. When someone looks at you like that, eyes holding such distance, it hurts; but when that someone holds your heart in their hand, it kills. Even if you deserve it, sometimes especially if you do.

And at that moment Seungyoun knows that he could apologize a million times and the look on Wooseok’s face would not change.

“Wooseok-“

“You know it’s not just about that one night, right? It’s been piling up for months, Seungyoun. An apology isn’t going to fix this. _Us_.”

Wooseok looks at him like a stranger, yet worse. Instead of the fragile soul he loved for so long it seems he sees Seungyoun as an enemy. But Seungyoun never sought to hurt him. It's as if all that love became pain, pain became fear and the fear sowed hatred strong enough to break them. Maybe that's the way things go, a strong hate to break a strong love, to erect walls, to protect the self.

That can't be them though, it can't be the end to their story.

“What are you saying?” Seungyoun’s throat is dry as he asks a question that he doesn’t really want the answer to.

“What I’m saying is-“

_Don’t say it._

“I don’t think there’s a point in continuing this.”

Seungyoun feels as if he’d just been served a punch in the gut, maybe even worse.

He wants to laugh because this has got to be some sick joke. But Wooseok has never looked so serious and then Seungyoun knows it’s true.

He shakes his head, “You don’t mean that.”

“Don’t you see it? I’m not happy, you’re not happy. _We’re_ not happy, not the way we were before. I thought we could work on this but we can’t, Seungyoun.”

Seungyoun wants to accuse him of not wanting to try, of not caring. _A few bumps in the relationship and you break up with me,_ he wants to yell, hoping it will guilt-trip Wooseok into changing his mind. But that wouldn’t be fair when Wooseok has tried more than he ever did.

Still, his insecurities get the best of him when he asks,

“You don’t love me anymore, is that it?”

Wooseok’s face twists into what one could only describe as a mix of betrayal, hurt, and disbelief.

He looks offended that Seungyoun would even think to accuse him of something like that.

“You know that’s not true.”

Seungyoun can feel his throat close up and his eyes wash with the kind of tears that only come when people break in ways not easily repaired. But when he meats Wooseok’s gaze, his eyes are just the same. He does love him. So what is all this nonsense?

“Then what is it? What is it that we can’t fix?”

Wooseok’s eyes glisten with tears as he answers, “The fact alone that you would accuse me of something like that shows to say that we don’t even know each other anymore. We’ve lost sight of who we were and what we had. Sometimes, I don’t even recognize the person I fell in love with.”

Seungyoun takes a step back as if he just received an invisible slap in the face.

He looks down because he doesn’t have the heart to face the broken person in front of him, the one _he_ broke.

“So what, this is it? Just like that?”

“I think so,” Wooseok confirms in a hushed tone.

The reality of losing Wooseok not only as a partner but also as a friend sinks in and Seungyoun is reminded of the other’s words a few years back.

_If we go through with this and fuck up, we lose everything. You know that, right? I lose you. You lose me._

And maybe Seungyoun should have listened. Maybe he should’ve put his feelings aside and maybe, just maybe, he wouldn’t be saying goodbye to his best friend right now.

Maybe all this pain could’ve been avoided.

“You know we’re still going to have to see each other, right?” Seungyoun asks. And that’s one of the many downsides of having to break up with a friend, sharing the same friend group, having to see the person you used to share everything with, knowing you hurt them beyond repair.

“Yeah.” Wooseok agrees silently, “I guess we should try to stay friends at least.”

And Seungyoun nods even though they both know that’s out of the question. They’re already as far from each other as they could possibly be, they could never go back to how they were.

Seungyoun stares at the person in front of him, the one he fell in love with and the one for whom his love still remains and he just doesn’t want him to forget.

“I love you a lot, you know that right?”

Wooseok nods, “I know.”

And Seungyoun searches the other’s face for any sign that he can still fix this, that it’s not the end.

 _Can’t we find a fragment of the love we shared,_ he asks silently in his head.

And almost as if Wooseok hears him, he serves the final blow,

“Goodbye, Seungyoun.”

Suddenly a puzzle piece falls from his heart, as if it no longer belongs there.

Maybe it never did.

**Author's Note:**

> For anyone disappointed by the angsty ending, read the third part of the series for a happily ever after:)
> 
> Thank you for reading! Kudos and comments are very much appreciated!


End file.
